Four Months today -

We lost our Sweet Ruth Girl four months today. It seems so surreal. Smiles, at the thought of her and the joy she brought us, has now replaced the tears. I will tend to her graveside, along with Sara's and Sadie's, this afternoon. Bud mowed the orchard's perimeter, I'll finish, then will hand edge around our girls' handcrafted headstones. Then everything will be nice and spiffy.

It's interesting how Ruth had some personality traits that neither Sara, Sadie, or Beth has/had, but Anna, who entered our lives after Ruth, now shares:

• While standing, she hikes her back leg whenever we are scratching her tummy so we can also better scratch inside her leg.
• She chases (and catches) flying bugs
• "Bites" at water rather than simply drinking it
• She bites at the trees when she's trying to get to a runaway cat
• Rather than merely jumping down off the porch, she gracefully flies off, looking forward or up.

Anyway.... today will be a good day. Each day does get better. I knew it would with time. Time is a healer.
Thank God.

Skunks and Snakes

This week has been interesting.

One evening about 8:30, while looking for/checking on Anna, I saw two skunks out in the south field behind the house! I went up to the house window and asked Bud to get Anna in the house with Beth, shut the doors, and bring out the shotgun!

I kept my eye on the skunks until he got out there then he focused on one while I continued tracking the other (staying far away!). He quickly took care of business on both! After he scooped them up, and we were walking back to the house, around, and outside the front gate, both girls were watching us carefully. It was so cute. That was the perfect way to introduce Anna to skunks!

On another day, Bud was out clearing cedars from the south/north field fence line and saw a 5' diamondback rattlesnake coming toward him. Actually, the snake was heading for a hole underneath a cedar that Bud was walking toward. Of course, Bud didn't have any type of firearm with him, and the hoe had too short of a handle to tackle the creature with without getting too close. Bud packed it in for the day, came home, and got the tractor ready with the mower. The next morning he began mowing the field! Between constantly filling up a front tire and getting low on diesel, he only got a few passes mowed around the perimeter. This nine acre field takes about 8 hours to mow. He's got about two hours done and will continue once it dries out some.

Yesterday, we received over 2" of blessed slow rain!

This morning, before sunrise, we put the flag out. Fortunately, the spotlight still worked (otherwise, it would not have been flown until daylight). I hope the wind doesn't come up and make us take it down. The Texas State Trooper, who lives along our road to town, had a much heavier flagpole than ours and rarely took his flag down. We had some mighty gusty winds a while back and we saw what happens when you don't take the flag off... their pole just snapped.

Since this is Memorial Day, it was very important to us both to have our flag out. Now, I'll keep my fingers crossed that it will stay up, not only today, but for a long time.

Attitude Adjustment

I am working on my attitude adjustment. It's hard. I need to get back working on my 2009 goals. Some I've maintained and/or improved successfully. Most of all I need self-discipline, strength of mind. For example, to post here and on my other blog on a regular basis!

I'm in the process of reading, Candace Haven's Charmed & Dangerous. It's a different approach, one I've never read before - it's more like a diary written in 1st person - and has taken me a while to really get into. I've spent some time on Amazon, using their "Look Inside" feature, reading passages from different authors, researching and learning more about writing styles. It's been a very informative process.

I've finished two major projects for Christmas gifts, working on the third one now. The next time in Dallas, I need to pick up the fourth color needed for the final one. The Wal-Mart in town sucks when it comes to a selection. I've tried, but just can't seem to master knitting. I enjoy crocheting while watching TV in the evenings. I can't just sit there and watch shows without doing something with my hands. Several other gifts are made and in the drawer, waiting for the gift wrapping paper!

Gosh, the stock market dipping really gets to me. Because of the low bottom interest rates, we don't want to spend the capital savings so we don't have the interest to complete the house renoviations. I use part of the capital for stock purchases, for what that's worth! It's a vicious cycle making it hard to keep motivated around here to do anything, since we can't finish anything! I know it will work itself out and I need patience!

Saw a shooting star this morning... made a bundle of wishes upon it! Mainly hoping/wishing to help me with my attitude adjustment!

The other day I reflected how this year to date has really screwed with my mental state... January, with Ruth getting sick and leaving us, then February and March dealing with our loss and a itty bitty puppy. April, and now May, things are getting better. I'm not crying anymore at a drop of a hat. Anna doesn't need eyes on 24/7. Which is a good thing. I keep waiting for the time I can get 7 hours (in a row!) of sleep, life will be grand again!

I am so thankful for what and who I do have in my life. I am blessed.

Good Rain!

It started yesterday and was over sometime during the night and throughout this time we received 4.7" of blessed rain! The forecast has 70% chance for more tonight, but the radar doesn't show anything coming anywhere close to us.

The powers-that-be has given us a 80% chance tomorrow... we'll see.

Nothing new going on around here... Anna is getting better about not having to have eyes on 100% of her awake time! Especially today since the weather's turned cold (38) and the heater clicks on / off ... we know exactly where she is when the wall heater clicks on!

This is just one area that she's had to learn "that's not yours" and she's just about got it down... she does bring her toys very close and we do watch her carefully, redirecting her away from this area!

I processed and posted a few more pictures of Anna, and of Beth, and the two playing together nicely.

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A quiet morning

It is, for a little while, quiet in the house. Bud just left to take Anna in for her 2nd series of puppy shots. Beth and I are chilling out without the constant noise of the television. Bud & I keep either the tv on or the radio (through his computer) to help muffle any sounds we may make while Anna is napping.

Anna & Daddy are on the way home! She weighed 11.5 pounds!!!

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Frustrated

I'm really frustrated today, not to mention anxious. It's because of what's happening with the nation's economy... gggeeeezzzzzzzzzzz

Even Warren Buffet is getting upset... I'm sure he's lost much more than we have with the falling stock market. I heard Whoopi Goldberg on the View say how she's Mad as Hell getting taxed from all different directions. Both these folks supported BO, and they are getting exactly the Change both Rush & Sean predicted.

Anyhoo.... Bud crossed the cattle guard this morning... he's gone to the eye doctor in Killeen. Both Beth and Anna are napping. I'm trying to stay quiet so I won't wake up baby!

Earlier, I did get some of the dead undergrowth of rosemary trimmed/cut out. Anna was on the other side of the tree and didn't notice what I was doing (too busy chewing on a twig) until she walked around to my side and saw the big stack. She quickly jumped in and found the perfect one to carry off. That kept her busy for a while. She loves rosemary!

I weighed Anna last night... 10 pounds already!

Okay, Bud called and after his 1.5 hour (one way drive) his 2 minute eye test/appointment is over and he's heading to do our weekly shopping at Wal-Mart on the way home. And, the kitchen is almost cleaned up... had planned on baking him a cake while gone, but haven't done that.. may wait until tomorrow morning when he's gone taking baby to the Vet for her 2nd series of puppy shots.

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Promises

The fruitless mulberry trees are starting to bud out. I haven't noticed whether the mature mesquite trees are putting out new growth. Aunt Evoline always told me to watch the mesquites, as they are the best signs of no more frost.

My poor lavender plants look horrible this year. I think all are lost. I guess it's just as well, since I can't be out in the sun to work them (and the dirt) properly. It gets me down/depressed knowing how the sun now effects me due to the medication I must take. Not to mention the fact that I can't hold any gardening tools anymore! At least the rosemary doesn't need my help! Both areas of rosemary are fully grown and are now blooming nicely. Maybe the blooms are because of the high humidity, and the promise of rain in the next few days!

I ask all that I know who are going to the beach to squeeze sand between their toes and think of me!


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Lots of changes

It's been almost a month since my last post. I still get hit with feelings of overwhelming grief when I think about Ruth. It is so different without her quick kisses and playfulness and her sense of loving. My heavy heart weeps along with the tears that flow uncontrollably at times. I haven't brought myself to wash the blanket that covered Ruth that last morning. It still has her smell and I find comfort in burying my face in it and taking in a deep breath.



I know time will ease the pain... it always does.

After Ruth left us, I didn't want a new puppy, another one to eventually tear my heart apart. About a week or so later, the name "Anna" came to me one night while I slept. It took a day and a half for me to share with Bud that I wanted to start looking for her, I knew she was on this earth waiting for us to find her. I know my previous post talked about Anna... but I needed to write about the ending and beginning one more time.


We brought Anna home on February 11th. Born on January 3rd, she was a tiny little girl, but she grows leaps and bounds every day!

At first, Beth wasn't quite sure what to think of her, and we quickly remembered the 24/7 of care we hadn't experienced in over 9 1/2 years! Anna is learning quickly, she's a smart girl.

Anna was 2 months old yesterday! She received a red collar and a new toy - plastic teething keys made especially for puppies! She thoroughly enjoys playing with the keys, but scratches constantly at the collar! She is figuring out that she can't walk and scratch at the same time!

I have accomplished some things toward my 2009 goals. In time, I know I'll get back on schedule totally. I have managed to work on some Christmas projects while Anna sleeps at my feet, or in my lap, or in her daddy's armpit! She loves to crawl up in his lap and snuggle her face down in his jacket's sleeve... for now, that's her safe place.

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Blessed rain

I woke up to a slow steady rain falling outside. It was wonderful and lasted until about 8:00. Over all, I think we got over an inch and a quarter! We so needed it, and would gladly take more!

It started off being a productive day, at least, I was preparing for a productive one when I suddenly got dizzy and threw up a couple of times. What bug got a hold of me, I have no idea. The nausea and crazy vision stuff is gone, but the wooziness in my head is still there somewhat. Fortunately, I did get the majority of laundry done yesterday when we got home from Dallas. I have a couple more loads to do, and then get everything put away. Bud is going into town this afternoon and will take care of grocery shopping and the banking business for us.

On Saturday, while in Dallas, I searched the Internet for ads in local papers and found a lead for "Anna" - Beth's baby sister! She's only about an hour away and we will bring her home on Wednesday! Looking forward to adopting Anna has helped in dealing with the pain of losing Ruth. It's important to Bud and I that we get a baby sister for Beth, because we don't know how much longer we have with her. It's important for Anna to know Beth, who knew Ruth, who knew Sara, who knew Sadie - so the line of knowing will continue.

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First day without Our Ruth Girl

Today begins our life without Ruth. She will be dearly missed.

I can't seem to come up with what to write today... I need time to grieve, be sad, and reflect on our life with Ruth before finding a "normal" life again.



Thank you, my dear sweet Ruth, for bringing such joy to our lives.



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How quickly life can change

Ruth is not doing well this morning. At first she seemed better. She jumped off the bed (4:28 a.m.), albeit slowly, and walked in the living room, then outside and down the steps. She was a little wobbly while she pottied, but then, coming back up the stairs, I noticed how she was dragging her right foot. Bud had gone back to the bedroom and I realized she might need to do a poop, so back outside we went. She managed to take care of business and as we came back inside, her right foot kept getting worse and worse. Bud came back into the living room and, with her standing in the same spot (she tried to move closer to him, but the foot wouldn't work correctly), we did our usual morning routine... a "tooth brush" and she ate it just fine. Her walking was non existent so Bud picked her up and put her on the couch where she's been since.

I gave her a peanut butter covered baby aspirin about 5:00.

Bud & I are thinking about making her a boot of some sort so she doesn't have to worry about which way her foot is positioned. Putting weight on it doesn't seem to be a problem. It's just the position. We will see how that goes once she's moving, or at least trying to move off the couch.

Ruth fills my prayers....

I started a blog to detail our journey.

Ruth feels poorly

Yesterday evening we noticed Ruth not acting as perky as usual. Every now and then she would be her normal self. She even played with Beth on several occasions.


This morning, she is the same. When we went outside, she took care of business then came back on the porch and stood next to me with head cast down until Beth and I were ready to go back inside. She seems dizzy. She won't get up on the couch. I put out a blankie near me, but she selected her other "safe" place, underneath Bud's desk. Before she settled in, I gave her an 81 mg aspirin covered in peanut butter. It was after she eagerly cleaned off my finger that she went underneath his desk. She has not stirred since. Hopefully, she'll feel better by the time Bud wakes up.


Bud just came into the living room and Ruth greeted him, along with Beth. After getting bunches of scratches and loving from us both, and encouragment from her Daddy, Ruth got up on the couch. Still she seems like she's dizzy.

I know, she's 10 years and 5 months old, longer living than either Sara or Sadie. She's a trooper and my prayers are filled with her getting better soon because my heart is not ready to let her go.

UPDATE: Ruth ate a good breakfast. She actually got up, went into the kitchen and watched as Daddy prepared their food. Afterwards, we all went outside and she found the perfect spot to potty. We are all back inside and I've turned up the heater and Ruth found her place in front of it to get warm! (It's not all that cold outside - 36 - but the wind chill factor most likely makes it about 28)

She still wobbles some while walking, keeping her head down for the most part, but she did eat good and has kept her food down. Several days ago, she did throw up an hour or so after eating and after she got a big drink of water. Yet, between then and now (last night) she was seemingly feeling okay.

Generally productive

I completed another '09 Christmas gift yesterday and have started two more! One is computer based... collecting thoughts and jotting them down... the other is a yarn project. It seems that January is a good month for me to do these things. I am still filled with the spirit of giving and we have days it's too cold to do much of anything else.

Bud repaired the flagpole and we got it back up! The Marine Corps flag is flying!!! When we get another set of attachments we will fly both US and Corps flag. That will be an awesome sight!

Bud also worked on the wooden crochet hook handles for me! I tested one out last night before he glued the shortened hook in the drilled hole. Only minor sanding adjustments are needed before they will fit my hand perfectly! Already I can tell what a difference to my hand/fingers the thick wooden handle will bring!

I am so blessed that he has changed, modified, and constructed so many things around here to help me deal with the Rheumatoid Arthritis. He is always showing me how to utilize tools ... such as a screwdriver to open those new pop off vegetable can lids... or like to use a can to roll over the tube of toothpaste to squish the remaining paste toward the end... so many things we take for granted until our hands don't work right anymore!

Well, the status toward my organizing/cleaning/de-cluttering: I am still working on the bathroom. I will finish today! I trashed bottles and bottles of vitamins and supplements I bought YEARS ago and put away in a plastic tub to "organize" but, because they were out of sight, they were also out of mind.

NOTE: Just because something is not used in the last several months or even a year, it cannot be my test to trash or keep. Because living out in the country, some things are needed to keep on hand "just in case" and I can't get rid of them!

Things in the bathroom are looking much nicer... it's not Martha Stewart... but it's much better than what it was!

It was the 12th Day of Christmas

Yesterday, more specific, last night, I removed the last bit of Christmas from the living room!
Another season has come and gone.

Already I am preparing for the next series of gift giving! Some projects are completed, a couple are almost done, and I have ideas mulling around in my head for more! The majority of Christmas 2009 will be handcrafted gifts using different mediums. Hopefully, I will not purchase any new materials but utilitize/recycle those cluttering up the back bedroom!

Last Deer for the 08 Season!

Bud did good yesterday morning with a nice size doe! We were amazed how easy field dressing went with the new buck knife I got him for Christmas.

(I started to take a picture when we got her in the pole barn, and post here, but decided maybe too much info for some!)

The temp wasn't all that bad yesterday, but the wind... geezzzz.... had north gusts 30-35 mph! Next year, WE WILL, have a tarp ready to go to block that north side! Needless to say, we did the processing in stages, coming inside the house to warm up! We'll process the shoulders and hind quarters today, taking our time and long breaks between the sections.

It's suppose to rain today... we will see if the forecasters are correct!

Homemade cleaners

While working through the organizing process, I realized I have so many half filled store-bought household cleaners of varying types! That means a couple of things... one, I didn't like the product and rather than tossing, I put it in the back of the cabinet! Or, two, forgot I had it and bought another one! This is so wasteful!

I won't buy store-bought chemicals anymore (other than Palmolive). The Internet is filled with recipes for tried and true formulas using items such as vinegar, baking soda, and dishwashing liquid. Not that I'm going "green" but it only makes sense to use what is commonly on hand.

I discovered the same situation in the bathroom. For example, I have so many different hand lotions! Goodness gracious! Rather than tossing perfectly good lotions, I've put one out and will use until it is totally empty, then on to the next one (before I use the one I just bought last week)! If I run across one that has soured (because it is sooooo old) I will toss immediately!

I found it perplexing how unorganized my cabinet had become and it's only my fingers/hands that get into that area! It's indicative of how unorganized all areas have become and I must get a handle on it before it drives me crazy!

Yesterday went well...

Yesterday, I started off very well working toward my goals.... (and today, too, I have my faced washed & make up on, dressed to my shoes (ready to field dress a deer).)

I baked Bud's favorite cake, Spice with Cream Cheese Icing. We had tv-dinner type stuffed cabbage rolls, because a very nice lady took the last head of cabbage (right before me!!!) from the bin at Walmart!!!! Anyway, it was probably much better than what I would have prepared from scratch! We also had the traditional blackeyed peas!

I did manage to pick up some things around here and put them in their proper place, or tossed into the trash can! I completed a crochet project for Christmas '09 and picked up a knit project I started months ago to work on for MIL's birthday gift.

So, today is another day to work on my goals. Being prepared is the tough one today.... but, I'll keep trucking along... I always do.

The beginning

2009 Goals ....

Now that I've set my goals, I need to get up and get dressed!

• DUN .... I even have on makeup!

While getting dressed, I pondered over my goals and what I hope to accomplish through this blog. It is accountability... so, my postings will be how, every day, I have worked on each goal!

Earlier, when I went outside with my two girls (four-legged variety), the sky was full of brilliant sparkling stars. The crescent moon was out last night, so the stars did not have to compete this morning. And, of course, there were no clouds... rain eludes us again!